Worthless but that's the point?

I've been through a lot of legal trouble recently, but mainly a cause of my actions. I don't grasp reality, major events p me as me showing no emotion. For example, on my 18th birthday, I slept till 10 p.m. I have random blackouts in my memory, for example I had a pet guinea pig I'm told, for 2 years, and I can't even remember it. I am a drug addict by choice. I steal, by choice. I watch fight club like it's a perfect definition of what my life goals are. I am too depressed to do ANYTHING. And I mean anything. I sit at home and wait for phone calls, just to mindlessly follow my friends around to wherever. I'm trapped in a square of my own existence. I am so self-aware and I yze so much I can't enjoy anything. I want to be dead by my early to late twenties, that has always been my goal. I can't find anyone who thinks like me, idolizing thieving degenerates. I feel so unaccomplished without drugs/illegal activities. I'm mildly bipolar. What is wrong with me?