Am I beyond all hope?

When I was a little boy I ran around with my friends pretending to be a heroic knight paladin, saving fair maidens from dragons, slaying evil, and summoning power from the almighty. I kept that going til I was about 16 lol...and then I found out that God like the Easter Bunny and Santaclaus, might have existed but also like the easter bunny and St Nick is now dead. Now I am 20 years old, yeah I'm still a virgin, but I have been living a lie to get along with North Easterners and a good chunk of modern society, pretending to be biual, and even crossdressing due to its apparent suiting of my physical frailty. I have also become painfully unchivalrous, painful to me. I was even told by a friend that maybe I wasn't meant to find love, and so I have walked a path that has tarnished any reputation of nobility I once had, to make way for every other guy out there that ever wanted me out of the way. I want nothing more now than to go back to being a strong heroic and noble Man, but I feel trapped by my sullied reputation and frail body... What do I do? Is there no hope?